Method 3. Ask to meet the flirtatious person to have a private discussion. If subtle cues are not working you'll have to discuss your feelings. Meet with the other person in a private setting, but not in a place that is removed from other people. Places such as a coffee shop or a conference room at work are ideal. Never arrange the meeting in your car, the stationery room, your home or any other private areas that may encourage the other person to make a move.
Be honest about how you feel. While honesty is the best policy, you don't have to deliver your feelings in a brutal manner. Some kinder methods include: Begin the conversation with qualities you admire in the other person but be neutral. Talk about topics like work ethics or friendliness. Avoid making appearance or intelligence as the other persons' admirable qualities; doing so could send the wrong message. You can avoid making an accusation which makes people react defensively by easing into a frank conversation with an assumptive statement such as, "I know you don't mean anything by it" or "I know you're an outgoing person and you don't have any intentions behind it Preferably, they will steer clear or stop themselves mid-flirt the next time, because now they'll pay attention and begin to notice the flirting is not being reciprocated.
Tell the person why you cannot accept his or her flirtatious advances. Consider your words before you meet with this person so that you can give a solid statement about why they need to curb their behavior.
Giving false excuses may be misunderstood as an opportunity to convince you to go out with them. If they really like you, they will respect your need to be left alone. Don't back down. Stick to your guns and don't divert from how you really feel.
Don't allow the other person to lead you astray from your original thoughts and delivery. Allow the other person to respond. Be receptive to questions or comments. You may want to anticipate possible questions and prepare responses ahead of time. Don't allow the conversation to last longer than an hour. The idea is to stop the other person from flirting with you so don't give the conversation more time than necessary. Keep an eye on the time and when an hour has expired, cordially end the conversation and excuse yourself.
Method 4. Remain friendly, but distant. Do not seek out the other person for conversations or discussions. If you work with the other person, keep interaction limited and to a public area. Remain friendly and civil at all times, assuming behavior you'd exhibit with your child's school principal or another professional.
Keep email or phone correspondence short and to the point. If you have to correspond with the other person, keep it professional and concise. Don't add jokes or personal information during your interaction. If you're not required to email or call the flirtatious person, avoid contact. Don't seek out the flirtatious person's attention. Never encourage the behavior after you've had a discussion or stopped interacting with the flirtatious person; this will send a mixed message and could rekindle the behavior.
Keep any meeting limited to group situations and maintain limited to no contact with the specific person. I made a big mistake and lashed out at the person and told them never to speak to me that way, and now I fear for my scholarship at school.
I already told my teacher but I still have anxiety about it. What should I do? Tom De Backer. There shouldn't be any fear. If they flirted with you, and you didn't like it and then told them so, that's perfectly fine and you did the right thing. This is on a personal level. Your scholarship is on a professional level. They must keep the two separate.
If they cancel or change your scholarship because of this, you have a solid reason to sue them in court. If it took lashing out to get them to stop, it may be that flirting had turned to harassment, which is another good grounds for a lawsuit. Not Helpful 1 Helpful There's this guy who is a natural flirt. He's admitted he is. I have certain standards and I don't think it would work out between us.
Not Helpful 5 Helpful There was a guy sitting at my table and every once in a while he would try to touch my shoulder. What do I do? If you're not interested in him, move down so he isn't close enough to touch you.
If he doesn't get the message, just say, "Please don't touch me. There's a guy who keeps being nice to me at school. But I've rejected him twice now, and every time I'm not rude to him he gets the idea that I'm giving him another chance. Tell him you're flattered but you are not interested, and him coming on to you is uncomfortable. Cut the friendship off if he still does not understand the boundaries you set. Not Helpful 2 Helpful Sometimes I flirt unknowingly.
How do I know if I am flirting, and how do I stop? If you don't intend it to be flirtatious, you're not being flirtatious. You're just being nice. Despite this, he wishes to be with - and stay with - you. We all hope to be indulged when we ask for something from a loved one, and indeed it would be desirable for you if your partner immediately ceased all flirting.
But most flashpoints in relationships can be resolved through mutual compromise rather than one-sided acquiescence - and neither of you is offering any such accommodation. Let us now consider the choices available to you. Given that your partner refuses to stop flirting, you could leave him. However, if you hope to find someone who will oblige your every request, I think you will be looking for a long time - at least, to find someone as exciting as your partner.
Alternatively, you could give him an ultimatum: if he does not stop flirting, you will leave. However, if you demand this, there is no reason why he should not make similarly absolutist demands on you to change whenever anything you do upsets him. You could regard your father's affairs as a psychological trauma, and seek treatment so this no longer dominates your reaction to your partner's flirtations. That seems rather heavy-handed, but it is an option nonetheless.
Finally, you could resolve to react differently to your partner's behaviour. Tell him you trust him, and instead of watching his every move, enjoy the social occasions you share.
This has one risk. If he is very insecure and needs your constant jealous attention for reassurance, he will flirt even more outrageously. But if he does, you will need to ask yourself if you want to stay with such a manipulative person. In truth, it is more likely that he would be delighted with your more trusting reaction. He would no longer need to feel defensive, and might even act more considerately.
But however he responds, you would be able to enjoy life a great deal more. Linda Blair. I am 35, with a year-old partner, and am concerned about the time I have left to have a child.
We have been together for two years and are saving to buy a house. I have asked him to consider trying for a child in two years, providing we are still stable and happy, but he says he cannot guarantee that he will want to. He does want children but doesn't know when. I am worried that his "when" will be too late for me, and I will be left childless or, worse, he may leave me for a younger woman.
I think the issue is that he is slightly too young to think about this - none of his friends has children yet. We haven't discussed marriage - mainly because I am divorced and no longer see it as the be all and end all. Both of us view buying a house together as the main commitment to one another. We plan to work abroad together and our future as a couple is fairly certain - it's just this issue of children.
Do I take the risk, stay patient and hope he will be ready soon, or leave a wonderful man and relationship and look for someone who wants a family sooner? We have discussed the situation at length and I have been clear about my concerns.
I would like both of us to be totally happy about the prospect of having a child and I am reluctant to try to "persuade" him to have one before he is ready.
You are invited to respond to this week's main problem. If you would like fellow readers and Linda Blair to answer a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of around words. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns. All correspondence should reach us by Tuesday morning: email private. View all Comments Add Comment. Recent Messages. Please rate before posting your Review 1 Trash 1.
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